"Warning" "I've" "Overused" "Quotes"

Just so we're all clear, here's another photo of the Suburban:

Can you believe how the kids have aged since we last saw it? In case you've forgotten the whole car saga, we have been without The Vehicle That Is Very Much Ours since December 8th.

This is where I own up to the fact that it was ME who crashed it and the light post didn't jump out and use itself as a baseball bat to bash in the entire left side.

But still.

I didn't know it takes this kind of time to recraft what had better be an entirely new car plated with gold and platinum and more jewels than Solomon's temple.

At the risk of boring the vast and diverse reading audience, I've left out several twists and turns in this story the past few months. Brad and I just laugh with each other and add two weeks to any timetable the body shop gives us.

But today's little phone call from our "friend," "Jerry" seemed newsworthy enough.

The phone call started with an apology because the body shop wasn't going to be able to tow the Suburban to our very driveway this afternoon as promised.

No big deal.

Seriously, when they told us that earlier this week, we added the obligatory two week window to their quote and weren't expecting it back until early March.

But wait, I should back up.

The body shop had already towed the "completed" car to the location where we dropped it off. The very contientious employees immediately noticed that the door that was causing all this trouble STILL wasn't hung correctly.

They assessed this within 30 seconds of its arrival. These employees made this observation from inside the shop as it was parked far across the parking lot. Apparently the door hangers at the other location (the SUV is being shuttled back and forth for "quality" purposes...) didn't notice that it still looked like it had been in an accident even as they were up close and hopefully even touching it. And "fixing" it.

Seriously, if I didn't care how the door was hung I NEVER WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT TO GET FIXED OVER TWO MONTHS AGO AND MY FACE GETS RED JUST TYPING THAT.

(And exhale.)

To add to that, they noticed the paint "experts" didn't bother to paint the inside of the door.

Of course I laughed when they told me that because the exact words from the paint guy were, "It looks absolutely beautiful!"

I suppose that was his first day on the job and his background is in watercolors.

And I was all, "You painted it the ORIGINAL COLOR, right?"

I was nervous because auto paint isn't really supposed to look good; it's supposed to look like it was never re-painted after a wreck. Images of a Ramone -esque paint job flashed in my head but I quickly blocked them out.

Ok, so after all this hoopla about the Suburban being returned to the original body shop (I have no reason to believe you are actually following me in this lengthy Car Drama, but just try), "Jerry" calls.

(Clears throat.)

"In the process of rehanging and aligning the door today, we accidentally banged it into something else in the shop and are going to have to redo the entire rear panel again."

"Thank you for the update, 'Jerry.'"

"@#$*(_ #$@*()!@** &&%!!@??)*"

"*#($) **()) #$%^^."

(Brad and I spoke forcefully in loud voices.)

This new "challenge" apparently involves taking off the trim on the entire left side, removing the door, running boards, and (get your oxygen tank ready) REPAINTING THE LEFT SIDE OF THE CAR. That, I believe, was (one) of our original problems.

(Deep sigh. Inhale slowly. Drink something hard.)

"Jerry" is "sorry" but we still won't have our Suburban until "Tuesday."

"Right."