Tuesday, November 15, 2005

One Man Chili-Cook Off

That's right, last night at my house, I entered a chili cook-off involving only myself. And to cut right to the chase, I lost.

Upon reflection, my first mistake was trying to cook it while the kids were awake. Because after three (3) hours of cooking, the scoreboard read:

Jackson: 2 poop-snakes in the pants
Lilly: 1 blow-out diarrhea in her beautiful white corduroy pants
Me: 1 bad pot of chili

Because of all the pooping, I had to engage in what I call "The Stopdown." You parents know it well. That's when you are forced by Heinous Odor and Tears to stop whatever you are doing and deal with the child at hand and their Issue. It is never convenient, that is for sure. Even when the is meat browning (burning) you cannot run back and save it (though you may be tempted.) The child at hand & their problem--all involving the colon last night--must come first.

This is hard, for sure. All day I was thinking about the chili, planning the chili, salivating for the meal that was to come. Heck, it was even a cold blustery day in Colorado--what more could one ask for?

But quickly, my dreams went down the toilet (absolutely NO pun intended because NOTHING, BUT NOTHING ended up in that sweet commode.)

The good news is: I lived to tell about it and Sweet Brad said the chili tasted good anyway. True, he cannot discern fine caviar from Cheerios, but that is another tale for another time.