Monday, July 14, 2008

Remind me when I lost all control?

So I have a question: During the summer, how many times a day do your kids change clothes?




As many times as they can while leaving a trail of everything they've worn and/or contemplated wearing from the garage door (and occasionally the garage itself) up to their bedrooms being careful to leave underwear in places the neighbors will immediately see when they stop by to locate their own children amidst the vast Sea of Wardrobe?

That's what I thought.

I love summer more than all of the other seasons combined, but this constant state of Clothing Dissatisfaction must end or I will singlehandedly pioneer a nudist colony that will likely offend our neighbors but save me gobs of money on detergent.

Oldest Type A child must be wearing the "proper" attire for any given activity. If there is a water fight, he wants to be in his bathing suit.

Whatever happened to water fighting in your clothes?

That would be waaaayyy too out of the box.

Instead, he heads upstairs and misses half the water fight until he comes downstairs ready to go in what he perceives as the proper Super Soaker Melee Attire.


What about if the cul-de-sac peeps decide to play Star Wars?

Well, heck! 

J better get home and put on full Jedi-wear, including cloak and tunic.


Quick! Run home and put on jersey and shorts!

And then there is The Crazy Girl. She pushes me closer to insanity because she is obsessed with socks.


I can't say it strongly enough. 

She wants to wear them all the time, but changes pairs constantly.

The other day I found 6 odd socks in her bed that had apparently been kicked off during some wild dreams about surfing.

I've tried to convince the Divine Miss L that it is quicker, easier, and much less work for mom if she would just join the rest of America and WEAR SOME FREAKING FLIP-FLOPS.

But no. She wants to wear full socks and tennis shoes all day, every day.

And she's recently taken to another accessory.

The belt.

I have not yet forgiven Grammy for purchasing it.

For starters, Lilly looks a twinge on the nerdy side because in case you haven't noticed, no one is wearing belts with their shirt tightly tucked in these days while their pants hover around their armpits.

(Hello? 1987? Is that you?)

Secondly, my assistance is now required in the 72 costume changes each day.


It feels like I am the incredibly reluctant owner of a Full-Service Dry Cleaners meets Pool Cabana.

Because did I mention the towels?

They are everywhere.

In my best estimate, we go through about infinity towels each day.

Between trips to the pool, slip n' slides, water wars, watering the plants, and actual bathing, we are rivaling The Ritz Carlton for most towels used in 24 hours.

My greatest victory in taming the unruly laundry beast came as an unexpected bonus to my laziness.

(Which is why I'm always careful never to work too hard.)

A few weeks ago, I had folded several loads of laundry while watching TV in the family room. I got distracted doing something incredibly important (read: eating ice cream) and the clothes never made it up to the kids' bedrooms.

This non-movement of the clothes went on for about...a week.


So what I'm saying is that almost everything the kids own was conveniently folded and resting in the family room! At my very fingertips.

Instead of constantly sending them upstairs to search for whatever Wardrobe Necessity beckoned, I just gestured over to the laundry baskets and let them just have at it.


Is it tacky to have laundry baskets in the family room?


Is it worse to have a fashion fiesta parading shamelessly through the house without end in sight.

Of course.

So in conclusion, I need a few more full-time employees at my house. I am way too busy blogging and going to Sonic Happy Hour to do all this laundry.


So really, how many times a day do your kids change clothes?


Anonymous said...

A shirt neatly tucked into your pants with a belt around your waist, what's your point?


Amy said...

Oh NOOOO!!! This terrifies me! I hate laundry!!!