From Our Home to Yours

Merry Christmas!

Coming in Spring of '09

Do you remember these girls?

They recently rocked the house singing "Silent Night" at the preschool Christmas program. 

Truth be told, it was more of a lip sync, but the off-key, a capella version that Lilly practiced at home will be the one I etch in my memory.

Apparently the girls are on a spiritual high, because they recently informed me that they're starting a Bible Study.

I can only imagine it will be full of fantastic teaching, deep sharing, and lots of personal growth.

"So girls," I asked them, "What are you going to do at Bible study?"

{I pause, waiting for some profound spiritual truths to come rolling off their tongues.}

"We're going to pass around a sign-up."

Hmmmm...

"What are you signing up for?" 

I tilt my head and squint optimistically.

"Snacks!"

I readily admit that excellent food and a cute notebook add more to a good Bible study than they probably should.

Mostly, I'm hoping the girls go with a MOPS format and include a guest speaker who shares on topics like "Cheerful Room Clean Up," "You're FIVE--Start Sharing!!!!" and "Beyond Macaroni and Cheese."

For the record, our next Bible study leaders did not learn this from their mothers.

Oh, and here's the coveted "Silent Night" footage.

I am DEAD SERIOUS PEOPLE when I say that immediately after filming, she said, "Now will you let me do a silly version?"

The Tour Of Homes That Wasn't

Welcome!

I was all prepared to participate in BooMama's Christmas Home Tour, but I have realized I am lacking several key elements.

But still...did you see this guy in my wreath?

He is gorgeous. I have no idea what kind of bird he is, but I have ruled out cardinal and bluebird. 

And toucan.

(And flamingo.)

(I know more birds than I thought I did.)

But I find him to be very lovely in my Christmas wreath.

A home tour is best when the pictures are good. I have lighting and focusing and aiming issues, so pictures are not meant to be.

As if taking pictures on a regular day isn't hard enough, throw in a snowy day and some Christmas lights and my pictures look like I held the camera an inch away from a flourescent lightbulb--with the flash on for full effect--and clicked.

But just to be clear, I was trying.

Because I am all about mediocrity, here are a few high(low)lights.

My kitchen tree:

Sorry about the blinding, angelic light from the window.

Oh, and that's my old tree in the background (God rest her soul.)

Let me zoom in:

This is one of my favorite trees because all of the ornaments have to do with FOOD. 

And utensils. To make the food.

This SnowWoman (she is very empowered) and I are starting to become the same shape.

And how cute are these little baking cups I found at Hobby Lobby?!

I know, I swore my Christmas decorating budget was ZERO DOLLARS this year, but in a weak moment I found these cupcake papers.

It would have been irresponsible and reckless to leave them at Hobby Lobby, especially seeing as they were only 75 cents.

Of course, that doesn't account for the other $30(ish) dollars I spent that day, but it's not everyday you can just wander into a giant, outdated, ugly, disorganized store WITHOUT BAR CODES on their merchandise, wait in long lines, ingest fumes from China and walk out feeling wonderful.

Miraculous, really.

For those of you (and there are plenty, if my email inbox is any indication) who feel I am permanently harming my children without a main Christmas tree, rest assured we are decked out in other rooms.

I don't think I ever posted the photos of the kids' Christmas trees.

It is a little underwhelming, but know that Jackson and Lilly beam with satisfaction when they lead friends upstairs to show off their masterpieces.

Jackson went with a football theme:

And Lilly was having some light issues.

Um, yeah.

The bottom half of the ol' pre-lit, pink feather tree is OUT.

Clearly she compensated for lack of lights with some heavy ornamentation.

That concludes the Christmas Tour of Homes that I'm not even linking to BooMama because of SHAME.

Pure and simple shame.

I will do better next year.

Twelve foot slim, pre-lit, Hudson Fir, here I come.

Or you know, 8-foot ficus, here I come.

O !@#!$^& Tannenbaum

Apparently, Brad did not get the memo regarding appropriate and inappropriate times for photography.

Can I get a shout out for the Christmas 2003 pajama bottoms with horizontal candy cane stripes, YO!

I was sacked out from all the Christmas tree calamity and Lilly was merely held hostage.

Brad loves capturing "candid" moments when I am not prepared to be photographed for the blog.

And you may not believe this, but he asked to do a guest post today.

Brad wanted to make sure that everyone in the blogosphere knows that the Ghetto/Homemade/Rubbermaid Tree Stand was NOT in any way to be blamed for Tree Collapse '08.

Y'all, I can blog about The Man's boxer underwear being held together by unraveling elastic without denting his ego, but to inadvertently question the craftsmanship of a DIY project is out of bounds.

For those of you that haven't seen the man in motion, just know that his middle name is "overkill."

By way of example...earlier this year I asked (demanded) for Brad to construct some shelves for the One Million Miscellaneous Items we store in the basement.

I was just looking for him to throw together some boards to keep my precious home decor items and his precious youth soccer trophies from being trampled by The Mob.

Personally, I would've used hot glue and paint and the shelves would've been CUTE.

Instead, My Main Toolman constructed shelves of such outstanding quality that they will surely outlast the foundation of this house (which isn't meant as a backhanded compliment, seeing as the builder had to re-pour it a few times.)

To any brave soul willing to ask about shelf construction, Brad gazes into his eyes and lovingly holds his hand, while guiding him to his basement shelving masterpiece where he proceeds to demonstrate that these shelves are strong enough to hold a 170 (COUGH COUGH) pound man.

{Edited to add: Brad wants y'all to know that EACH SHELF can hold a grown big ol' adult. Not the whole thing.}

(FOR THE LOVE!)

So just to set the record straight...it was NOT the tree stand engineer's fault.

{I can feel Brad's breath on me as I type this and make sure he is blameless.}

It was the weight of my excessive front-side only ornamentation, coupled with a Dino Tree and bendy-bolt stand that caused the problem.

And now I am scarring my kids with "Rockin' Around the Ficus Tree."

Charlie Brown would be proud.

And my kids will be in counseling for years anyway.

Houston, We Have a Problem

I am not sure words could add anything to these pictures.

I mean, it's not like I need to mention that the tree stand isn't intended to levitate three feet in the air.
No, we don't have pets and the kids didn't wrestle it over.

We heard such a clatter in the middle of the night and our 30 year-old just plain gave out.

Brace yourself, this is about the most pathetic sight I've seen this Christmas:

I don't know what's worse...the snowman painfully perched on his side or the gigantic hole in the left side of the tree.

Or the upside-down plastic bin we were using as a tree stand.

Or the window mistreatment we were using as a tree skirt.

Or the microscopic crushed glass I will be digging out of my carpet for the rest of my life.

Or that our Christmas tree has capsized TWICE IN A WEEK and I have nothing left in me to replace it.

I am just glad to have my laptop back.

I think.

In Which I Blog About Everyone's Underwear but Mine

No, I didn't forget about the tree pictures, but my computer is in the shop.

I dropped it off at the Apple Store's "Quick Drop," which is actually NOT quick, but closer to 48 hours.

Needless to say, without my computer for so long, I am breathing into a brown paper sack to keep from hyperventilating.

I didn't know that "Quick Drop" was code for "Two Days Without My Vital Organs" until after I handed it over.

When I heard "Quick Drop," my plan was to scoot over to Anthropologie and Williams-Sonoma, then swing back by to pick it up.

Not so much.

(And just to spite me, Williams-Sonoma didn't even have any Peppermint Bark samples. Whatever.)

Oh well, I am back on my loud-as-a-jet PC, with the screen so far away that I can barely see it.

And I never realized that I spent most of my time reading/typing/researching very important Christmas gifts and "news" from the kitchen island.

While chained to the old ghetto Dell all by my lonesome, I feel like I'm on Survivor's Exile Island while everyone else is ringing sleigh bells and making yuletide gay in the family room.

As for the advent update, yesterday we hid all of our Christmas books and the kids searched the house for them, then we cozied up for a nice read.

A friend completely outdid me and WRAPPED her Christmas books. How great is that?

We didn't talk numbers, but I hid 33 books and that would be a heck of a lot of wrapping for dog-eared books with missing pages. But I still think it's mighty fun for the Young Present Openers.

Today was our day to get out the nativity sets and start to pose the characters in unlikely scenarios (why do the kids insist on putting everyone on the roof?)

I really think every home in America should own a Little People Nativity Set, because they are so dang cute and my kids STILL love it.

The kids also like putting M&M's and Hot Tamales in the feeding trough for the donkey and a few mechanics who wandered over from the Racin' Ramps Garage.

Our other grown-up nativity set was a wedding present. Isn't that a great idea?

(I am taking donations for the Willow Tree set in case you just won big in Vegas.)

Do you know what Advent Fabulousness takes place tomorrow?

Underwear day!

I am including Brad this year because it has been brought to my attention that his boxers look more like tennis skirts than a true pair of shorts.

(And the "World's Greatest Dad 2004" pair are looking more like a consolation prize than a Father's Day gift.)

Here's my little undies jingle that I printed out for Jackson and Lilly's advent calendar clue (one year I got really delirious and made up rhymes for each day):

"Under" your clothes you wear this pair,
Look under your tree, they will be there!

For everyone's comfort, I will not be including pictures.

And yes, OF COURSE, Lilly's have the days of the week on them.

(Brad's do not.)

I love smiling! Smiling's my favorite!

Well I am just exhausted from a Sunday of watching movies with Lilly.

My little cherub was puking her guts out every two hours, which left us the perfect amount of time to fit in a feature film between rides on the porcelain bus.

We watched "Parent Trap" (with Lindsay Lohan the way I prefer to picture her), "Elf," and "Polar Express."

{By the way, did y'all know that Elf and Polar Express have the exact same instrumental soundtrack? I had never noticed until we watched both of them twice in 2 days.}

And now the ol' soundtrack will not stop playing in my mind. Luckily, it's lovely background music as I drive a filthy dirty SUV to the grocery store, Walgreens, and Costco.

The kids woke up extra-early today because yesterday I hung (hanged? that sounds morbid) this:

I'm sorry.

It looks like a jumbled mess.

But it's our advent calendar. 

Every year, the kids have so much fun waking up to a new adventure I thoughtfully and carefully planned only moments before they crept downstairs.

I try to create a mix of small gifts, outings, and service/giving opportunities for each day.

For the small gifts, we give things like socks and underwear, gum and chocolates. Things that, honestly, shouldn't even be presents, but are more fun to open during advent than on Christmas morning.

Our rule of thumb is that between October and December, any necessity immediately becomes a Christmas gift.

Toothpaste.

Band-aids.

Underwear.

Toilet paper.

Dark chocolate peanut M&Ms.

You get the idea.

For our adventure days, they can be anything from ice skating, sledding, visiting snow globes at the mall, driving around looking at Christmas lights, or going to the Nuggets game because Brad has to entertain business clients and we might as well pig out on free food while we can.

And for the service days, we plan to do thoughtful things for people in our family and others who need practical help.

Honestly, I'm not likely to do much of anything unless it's scheduled and someone is holding me accountable.

Like my children.

So anyway, I'll try to chronicle some of our advent fun this December, but I'm sure I'll mostly end up blogging about my fantasy Christmas brunch menu.

Tonight, our advent activity was for the kids to put up the mini trees that go in their rooms.

We had a grand time and I was humbled as I realized they've learned nothing about balance, proportion, and color coordination.

Of course, I also entertained the possibility that my very own home is a decoratorial nightmare.

Speaking of which, Clark Grizzwold himself spent 5 hours yesterday putting up lights on the outside of our house.

Our builder decided to use these tile roof pieces, preventing humans from ever walking up there or apparently the whole thing will fall off.

So Brad and the fellow neighborhood men went in together and rented a boom lift.

It looked like a cross between those snow walkers on Hoth in "The Empire Strikes Back" and that enemy alien blaster at the end of "The Incredibles."

And it took up my entire front yard.

So there was Clark, hovering 20 feet in the air (IN THE BLOWING SNOW) for the sake of decking the halls. I'm sure it was spectacular and I appreciate that Clark's commitment to the beauty of our home extends beyond cleaning the toothpaste out of his sink.

I would've taken pictures, but I was busy cleaning up puke and whistling the Elf/Polar Express soundtrack.

I'll post pictures of the trees tomorrow.

And I am done putting quotes around movie titles.

It is a little too cumbersome for me.

Just like having a complete thought.