Never Blog About Food When You're Starving

I don't know about y'all, but when the weather dips below 60 I start wearing wool socks, a fur vest, and a hat.

Indoors.

(In my defense, Brad keeps the thermostat around 62 and floats on air for days when we've "risen to the challenge" and lowered the electric bill each month. Nevermind that I slept in a snowsuit and screamed when my buns hit the cold potty in the middle of the night.)

Not to sound whiny, but I am too wimpy to even appreciate chilly.

This is something genetically programmed in me because for as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with warmth.

The first winter coat I remember picking out by myself (Burlington Coat Factory, anyone?) was a white one with palm trees and the words "Tahiti" all over it.

I'm sure I was a vision and I'm so proud my parents humbled themselves to let me wear something so ridiculous. Although, from what I've pieced together from relatives, "ridiculous" was the wardrobe theme.

(Whatever.)

Flamingos are my favorite animal. Flip-flops are my favorite foot wear.

So Winter and I? We have a problem.

That is, except for one major category. FOOD.

(You know what they say about summer: If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.)

If it wasn't for winter, I would never eat chili. Don't know about you, but after a long day at the pool, nothing in me wants to come home and saddle up to a big steaming bowl of spicy beans.

With all this rambling about changing seasons and possible snow in Colorado, I fire up the crockpot for a Weekend Chili Extravaganza.

Queso (chili's South-of-the Border cousin) is also a crockpot companion, which is why it's important to have two slow cookers on hand. 

Plus, there are some big football games to be played this weekend. Without the lean, mean fuel of fake cheese and processed meat, how can one have the energy to cheer for Texas Tech?

I know we all have favorite chili recipes, and even though I have mine, I still like to experiment from time to time.

There's a hidden fear that if one recipe is truly great and I haven't tried it, I might be missing out.

But you know what? I come back to Old Faithful every single time.

The recipe is basic, easy, and just plain delicious.  The toppings are endless and you can't mess it up.

I was thinking of posting my queso recipe, but there are no less than FOUR in my stack, so maybe I'll save those for another day.

Old Faithful Chili

1 lb. ground beef

1 chopped onion

garlic (however much you like)

1 lb. diced tomatoes

1 lb. hot chili beans (I like Bush's and they make mild or medium for the tender of tongue)

8 oz. can tomato sauce

1 t. salt

dash of pepper

2-4 T. of chili powder (I go for 4 and make them heaping)

Brown meat with onion and garlic. Drain off grease. Combine meat and rest of ingredients in crock pot and cook on low for 4-6 hours.

Top with Fritos, tomatoes, sour cream, jalapenos, cheese, green chiles, or Almond Joy.

Serve with a side of mittens and football. YUM.

Excuse Me While I Loosen My Belt

It dawned it me that the most avid readers of this blog are in fact, my relatives and more than hearing about the finer points of candy, they want to see pictures of the trick-or-treaters.

Because of cuteness and all.

So here we have Indiana Jones and Dorothy:

Jackson is still working on his mean face. I thought he would look tougher if he had a beard, but he wouldn't let me draw one or use coffee grounds and honey to get an authentic rugged look.

Now here, we have my niece, Belle (not her real name) and Dorothy, skipping gaily through the neighborhood.

I love this view from the back because Dorothy's braids looked mighty wonderful, if I do say so myself. 

Judy Garland had more hair than humanly possible for a 4 year-old to grow, but we did our best given the fine hair and short attention span.

This next picture is one of my favorites:

I love a princess who hikes up her skirt and takes care of bidness. Well done, Belle.

Now I have to talk about candy. I'll start with the disappointments, because there were a handful this year.

I have never IN MY LIFE known a child who just craves, begs for, and desires above all else, hard candy.

To my knowledge, it is darn near impossible to bite/chew/enjoy Jaw Breakers, Now & Later, and Those Gross Strawberry Things.

And Cinnamon Brach's Whatevers?

Whatever.

Honestly, I don't even know if Sixlets are still in production. I have a feeling those "candy coated chocolates" (so original!) are leftover from a Halloween Basket of Olde. 

And this makes me scratch my head:

A Snickers Almond that contains peanuts? I feel like the peanut is the signature nut of the Snickers and downright essential to its composition. 

Putting almonds in it like Hillary Clinton waking up one day and deciding to wear a dress instead of a yellow pantsuit.

I would be totally confused.

This next pile is my C+ batch. If I were stranded on an Isle of Subpar Chocolate and had the choice of Average Chocolate or Death, I would indeed choose the Average Chocolate.

I know some people swear by the Nestle Crunch (and I hear there is a new caramel version that is very tasty) but the Milky Way and 3 Musketeers are just give-ups. 

They really seem like the beef jerky of candy bars; leftover nougat and marshmallow shrapnel from the factory floor are bonded together and coated in chocolate, then labeled and sold. 

Ew.

These are also average students in my grade book:

I'm just not a big wafer fan unless they have one-inch layers or peanut butter between them.

And if you can eat these without gagging, please leave your name in the comments and I will send you ours.

Because really?

Kids and coconut? 

Not so much.

Someone clearly collected these over a year's time from their insurance agent's office:

And they got these from the bank:

Now for the crime of the year. This is all of the dark chocolate we received:

ATTENTION PARENTS: I thought we all agreed that since it's a known fact we send our kids out to trick-or-treat to collect candy for us, we would put lots of dark chocolate and upscale goodness like Dove and Ghirardelli in the baskets.

YOU ALL FAILED ME. 

ALL OF YOU. 

THERE WAS NONE.

But these did help mend some wounds:

(Although if anyone wants to donate a big jar of peanut butter and some spoons next time, that would be fine, too.)

This is the other Pile O'Weight Gain from Lilly's stash. Like a good bear cub, she gathered up all of the Peanut M&M's she could find. Bless her.

The Baby Ruth is another favorite due the intense nuttiness and chocolate.

I thoughtfully and intentionally bought a gigantic bag of Double Dark Chocolate Twix to bless the other moms in the neighborhood, but exactly ZERO came back my way. 

The only other minor tragedy was that we received exactly one Butterfinger and Brad and I were forced to Indian Leg Wrestle for it.

Now that we're through the season of candy, I can focus on heart healthy and light fare like pies, cakes, dips, and spreads.

See you at the gym!

Field of Poppies Re-enactment

There is some exhaustion at our house due to all the trick-or-treating.

Dorothy crashed in the one minute and thirty seconds it took to heat her hot chocolate.
As usual, she trekked through the neighborhood, slowly freezing to death, and vehemently denying it so she could continue to fill her candy back to the tippy top.

(Mission accomplished).

It reminded me of two years ago, when Violet Incredible trouped through the 'hood for so long that we thought she had frost bite.

(Did you see that hand?)

This just shows that our family has a healthy view of candy and doesn't elevate the pleasure of eating above death.

Oh, and we let her have M&M's for breakfast.

Is that a problem?

I am working on a thorough candy analysis and will be back with the delicious details sometime soon.

Giving New Meaning to "Guns Up"

Well, hello there.

We flew safely (and PRAISE THE LORD uneventfully) home from Dallas on Sunday. If my math is correct, the kids watched between 7 and 9 episodes of SpongeBob without blinking one single time, and I ignored them completely while finishing up "New Moon."

(Just FYI: I am ready for Francine Pascal to write her Sweet Valley High Soccer Moms series so that I can see what Jessica and Elizabeth are up to these days. Plus, after I finish the Twilight books, I'll be running low on brainless "literature.")

The children of the neighborhood literally came running with arms open to Jackson and Lilly and were swarming the car before we could even unlock the doors.

It seems that I am their main source for cookies and snacks, so they were a little hungry after a week away.

We had a great trip; we relaxed, shopped, and ate some amazing meals at all of my favorite Dallas restaurants. Well, not all, because that would take more than a calendar year to go through the Mexican restaurants alone. But still, we did our best with only a few days.

After the police rescue, Lilly managed to stay mostly out of harm's way, except when she face planted at the park. To no one's surprise, she fell on her mouth and managed to gush blood and ding those front teeth a little more.

Good stuff.

Also in the good stuff category was haunted Halloween houses decorating. Every day, my mom and I tried to plan a craft/activity that involved food. 

We decorated cookies, made toffee, or just plain ate cookie dough. I'm pretty sure that qualifies as a craft.

Anyway, the kids got really into decorating the haunted houses. 

Without Brad to actually read the instructions and attempt to do things in an orderly fashion, the construction was a little shoddy, and I had some significant structural issues.

However, it was still fun and we got remarkably little shocking green, safety orange, or permanent Sharpie black frosting all over my mom's house.

Part of the structural issues were due to Jackson's desire to place the pumpkins on the roof. That put a lot of stress on the walls that I didn't attach quite right in the first place.

The entire time, my mom and I cracked up because Jackson identified each type of candy as either some kind of artillery or weapon.

In case you weren't sure:

Milk Dud = bomb

Candy Corn = missile

gumdrop = grenade

gingerbread bridge = Hummer ramp

chocolate chips = rifles

I'm just glad he's learned that it's important to have a haunted house armed and ready for whatever the trick-or-treaters may bring.

Brad and I are always careful to explain how important it is to have heavy weaponry available on the roof and by the windows at all times.

At the end, Jackson asked me to draw a man on the side of his house.

Which, of course, I did with great detail and precision. I even added some grass at his feet to give the home a warm and comfy feel.

Every arsenal should look lovely on the outside, you know.

And then Jackson armed that man with "double guns."

Just like we always say, "Be ready at the door with your firearms, kids!"

Happy Fall, Y'all!

Math is not my best subject, but here is an equation I know by heart:

football+cool weather+pumpkins= FALL

I will never leave or forsake summer as my favorite season of all, but fall is near and dear to my stomach. As much as I adore summer for the weather, I love fall for the food and sports. Plain and simple.

Winning my affection is as effortless as turning on ESPN and opening a can of pumpkin. Then I will be joyful forevermore.

Oh, and one more thing I love about fall: decorating!

This next sentiment might be a little bit blasphemous, but here goes...I love decorating for fall even  more than I love decorating for Christmas.

There, I said it.

Not sure why, but there is something so peaceful about autumn and something terribly frenzied about Christmas. (Except for the laid-back Santa I saw yesterday at Big Lots who was wearing a bathing suit, sitting in a hammock, and lip-syncing to "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere." Really. Things like that should be OUTLAWED.)

The first thing I always do is get out Old Faithful:

After many, many years, I still love her to pieces. My precious wreath has proudly hung at four homes, survived three moves, and is older than my children.

My aunt helped me make her with my glue gun and the best artificial gourds Hobby Lobby had to offer in the late 90's. Truly, she is the Audrey Hepburn of wreaths.

I always like to mix in a little new with the old, so I scanned through some blogs, caught some inspiration, and made this for my front porch (next to Old Faithful):

I am a big fan of Funkins because I love both fun and pumpkins.

The girl whose idea I shamelessly borrowed found her pumpkins pre-lettered at a little shop. I, however, turned to my black Sharpie and drew the letters. Not perfect, but still cute. And using pots instead of candlesticks allowed me to camouflage the dead geraniums that graced our front porch the last few weeks.

Next year I might go for the candlestick version, but for now, this works.

Now here is Old Faithful II:

The basket o' fall is another standby that I've had for looooonnng time. My same Crafty Aunt (the Wreath Goddess) helped me throw this together. She is the knowledgeable and wise Yoda of decor and I am the (formerly) Young Jedi who is easily tempted by the dark side.

My favorite thing about the b.o.f. is that it's easily transportable. As much as we'd all love to just make a centerpiece and set it on the table, that's not really practical unless you don't actually use the table.

The other NKOTB this year is my prized collection of chocolate:

Candy corns don't even register with my tastebuds, but the dark chocolate M&M's, peanut M&M's, Reese's peanut butter cups, and Hershey's mini's are pretty much a food group unto themselves.

It's probably dangerous to have such goodness readily available, but the clear jars hold me accountable.

Those containers, by the way, are priceless. Like Old Faithfuls I & II, I've had them for ages, but constantly change their ribbons and fillings.

There are a couple other fall vignettes that still need some tweaking, so maybe I'll post pictures when I'm done.

Of course, I kept saying that all summer while I mistreated my bedroom windows, the kids' bathroom, playroom, and some other little areas. I also planned to highlight some extra-fabulous garage sale finds. But it didn't happen. My bad.

Anyway, tonight I am going to make my friend, Jen's broccoly cheesy corny potatoey chowdery soup, chase it with peanut M&M's, and watch football.

Life is good.