Can't Wait to Flash My First Aid Card

Oh man, I was going to blog all kinds of fantastic (!) thoughts until I just turned on "The Biggest Loser" and do you know what they were doing?

This poor girl, Amy, was thirsty right after a workout--all sweaty, tired, etc.--and do you know what Bob hands her? A GLASS OF MILK.

That makes me want to vomit. Bob was talking up how great milk is and then Amy chugged it all sweaty and gross.

I hate milk anyway, but thinking of it as a post-workout snack makes me stomach do things usually reserved for the Tilt-a-Whirl.

Didn't mean to gross you out, so sorry.

In lieu of a main theme or point to this post, I'm going to go with the trusty list.

In general, I'm not a list-maker, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Although it's not as much desperation as it is trying to blog while flipping between "Dancing with the Stars" and "Biggest Loser," making lunches and eating peanut M&M's. 

So all in all, it's a quiet night.

1) Today I took the most boring First Aid class of my life. And that is no exaggeration, especially considering I've never taken first aid.

(And I'm not sure if "First Aid" is capitalized or not. But I think I will capitalize it to reassure you of its importance and value. And my unparalleled skill as a "Rescuer.")

Because I don't like to hoard information, I'll let you in on a few tips I gathered after watching the American Heart Association video (thrilling) and practicing my newfound Rescuer Techniques on my friend, Erica (who was also a studious participant).

We went over about 28 rescue-worthy scenarios and before you do anything here is what you do: SECURE THE SCENE.

A kid's finger is bleeding?

SECURE THE SCENE.

Your grandmother is choking?

SECURE THE SCENE.

A middle-aged guy drops on the basketball court with chest pain and shortness of breath?

Do NOT call 9-1-1.

SECURE THE SCENE.

Whatever. I'm totally going to call 9-1-1.

It reminds me of the Scary Scenarios way back in Driver's Ed.

Rule Numero Uno, DON'T PANIC.

You lose control of the brakes at 75 miles an hour.

DON'T PANIC.

The hood flies up while you are on the interstate and you can't see a bloody thing.

DON'T PANIC.

Whatever. I am totally going to scream and probably try to find and then dial my cellphone while, in fact, I am panicking.

2) The kids and I have been reading Halloween stories under the cover with flashlights.

This is the most excitement they've experienced in their lives.

Ever.

Including Sea World or Christmas Morning.

And this is their favorite book. 

And...um...I'm having fun, too. (Lots of fun.)

3) I have a tapeworm.

It loves pumpkin cake, M&M's, pizza, and chicken paninis.

But not jeans.

Problem.

4) We have the best friends in the whole world. I've been saying this for years, but have fresh evidence.

They worked like dogs on Saturday in the freezing cold and rain to help Brad fulfill our goal of Grass in the Backyard by '09.

It was bone-chillingly cold and drizzly for hours while they moved sixteen yards of topsoil from the driveway to the back 40. 

I should also mention there is a bear of a hill they traversed with wheelbarrows.

About eleventy million times.

And it was cold. And rainy. 

They are REALLY great. Really great.

5) The upside of Cold and Rainy is that after I lost feeling in my extremities at Jackson's soccer game (while the guys were giving their pulmonary system for our backyard), I rewarded him (me) with a trip to Starbucks.

He got the kid's hot cocoa.

I ordered the Salted Caramel Signature Hot Chocolate that Will Make You Slap Yo Mama.

The sweet/salty combo is a classic and this drink reminded me of a melted Snickers. There are not words to describe this fantastic concoction.

Mix it with a heated seat in the 'Burb and you're golden.