Excuse Me While I Loosen My Belt

It dawned it me that the most avid readers of this blog are in fact, my relatives and more than hearing about the finer points of candy, they want to see pictures of the trick-or-treaters.

Because of cuteness and all.

So here we have Indiana Jones and Dorothy:

Jackson is still working on his mean face. I thought he would look tougher if he had a beard, but he wouldn't let me draw one or use coffee grounds and honey to get an authentic rugged look.

Now here, we have my niece, Belle (not her real name) and Dorothy, skipping gaily through the neighborhood.

I love this view from the back because Dorothy's braids looked mighty wonderful, if I do say so myself. 

Judy Garland had more hair than humanly possible for a 4 year-old to grow, but we did our best given the fine hair and short attention span.

This next picture is one of my favorites:

I love a princess who hikes up her skirt and takes care of bidness. Well done, Belle.

Now I have to talk about candy. I'll start with the disappointments, because there were a handful this year.

I have never IN MY LIFE known a child who just craves, begs for, and desires above all else, hard candy.

To my knowledge, it is darn near impossible to bite/chew/enjoy Jaw Breakers, Now & Later, and Those Gross Strawberry Things.

And Cinnamon Brach's Whatevers?

Whatever.

Honestly, I don't even know if Sixlets are still in production. I have a feeling those "candy coated chocolates" (so original!) are leftover from a Halloween Basket of Olde. 

And this makes me scratch my head:

A Snickers Almond that contains peanuts? I feel like the peanut is the signature nut of the Snickers and downright essential to its composition. 

Putting almonds in it like Hillary Clinton waking up one day and deciding to wear a dress instead of a yellow pantsuit.

I would be totally confused.

This next pile is my C+ batch. If I were stranded on an Isle of Subpar Chocolate and had the choice of Average Chocolate or Death, I would indeed choose the Average Chocolate.

I know some people swear by the Nestle Crunch (and I hear there is a new caramel version that is very tasty) but the Milky Way and 3 Musketeers are just give-ups. 

They really seem like the beef jerky of candy bars; leftover nougat and marshmallow shrapnel from the factory floor are bonded together and coated in chocolate, then labeled and sold. 

Ew.

These are also average students in my grade book:

I'm just not a big wafer fan unless they have one-inch layers or peanut butter between them.

And if you can eat these without gagging, please leave your name in the comments and I will send you ours.

Because really?

Kids and coconut? 

Not so much.

Someone clearly collected these over a year's time from their insurance agent's office:

And they got these from the bank:

Now for the crime of the year. This is all of the dark chocolate we received:

ATTENTION PARENTS: I thought we all agreed that since it's a known fact we send our kids out to trick-or-treat to collect candy for us, we would put lots of dark chocolate and upscale goodness like Dove and Ghirardelli in the baskets.

YOU ALL FAILED ME. 

ALL OF YOU. 

THERE WAS NONE.

But these did help mend some wounds:

(Although if anyone wants to donate a big jar of peanut butter and some spoons next time, that would be fine, too.)

This is the other Pile O'Weight Gain from Lilly's stash. Like a good bear cub, she gathered up all of the Peanut M&M's she could find. Bless her.

The Baby Ruth is another favorite due the intense nuttiness and chocolate.

I thoughtfully and intentionally bought a gigantic bag of Double Dark Chocolate Twix to bless the other moms in the neighborhood, but exactly ZERO came back my way. 

The only other minor tragedy was that we received exactly one Butterfinger and Brad and I were forced to Indian Leg Wrestle for it.

Now that we're through the season of candy, I can focus on heart healthy and light fare like pies, cakes, dips, and spreads.

See you at the gym!