The Smell of Burnt Toast is Wafting Through My House

Ok, internets, I need some serious help.

We're having a major problem with our toaster. Or should I say "toaster."

A more accurate descriptor is a "burner and torturer of formerly edible bread."

I am a HUGE fan of the toaster, and more specifically, the toaster oven. However, I am not a fan of small appliances and the space they require.

I like the activities small appliances perform (you know, brewing, blending, chopping), but I am categorically opposed to them sitting on my counter.

The exception, of course, is my coffee pot. It is beautiful, used daily, and part of my soul.

I love blenders, food processors (big and small), mixers, and toasters. Electric can openers and elaborate juicing machines that allow you to create beverages(?) out of celery and carrots aren't so high on the list.

Nothing makes me happier than a clean, crumb-free, countertop. It's like the universal signal to moms that it is okay to sit down (unless there is a large pile of laundry on the couch.)

(Theoretically.)

To give you more information on our Personal Toaster History than you've ever desired, let me just say that for years, we SWORE by the toaster oven.

I appreciate that it not only toasts bread, but it reheats pizza perfectly and makes a fine tuna melt, all without turning on the big oven.

However, the toaster oven? LARGE. UGLY. LARGE.

And if y'all think I have room to store one under my cabinets, than you haven't seen my organizational "system" that has plenty of room for odd-shaped and precariously stacked casserole dishes, but no room for the 9x13 pans I actually use.

(Someday when my self-esteem is soaring, I will take pictures of the inside of my cabinets then wait by the phone while Dr. Phil calls to stage an intervention.)

So anyway, when we put the house on the market awhile back, it became obvious that the toaster oven had to go. It was also shorting out more often than not, so we chucked it.

Being that Jackson has eaten approximately 7 million Eggo waffles since birth (give or take), it didn't seem possible to go without any toasting system for a month.

So Holly stepped in and donated her Mickey Mouse toaster that (allegedly) imprinted a Mickey Mouse face on each piece of bread.

I agree that the idea of marrying Mickey Mouse and a waffle is charming, but let me just say that the image of Mickey wasn't exactly precise. Or clear. Or visible.

I'm not sure if you can tell, but that is smoke that accompanies each and every piece of toast that dares to enter the toaster.

Do you know how long we've been carrying on like this?

ONE AND A HALF YEARS.

I am a fool (or optimist?) because each morning I think that it might not smoke.

But it does.

And here is the picture of Mickey on the clear side:

Now here is a picture of Mickey on the side I flip over so the kids will still eat it after I slather on enough butter to conceal the burned taste:

Doesn't that just make you hungry for breakfast?

Truthfully, it only burns like that when you let the toaster run it's full session and the toast pops up.

I've avoided the smoky outcome several times by manually popping the toast before the cycle is over. 

Of course, the waffles are still icy or the bread is still bread, but hey, NO SMOKE!

This morning, the straw that broke the Mickey Toaster's back was when I toasted the chocolate chip zucchini bread before spreading on a thin (ok...thick) layer of peanut butter.

(I like a light and healthy breakfast.)

Well, the zucchini bread was too big to fit and broke into a several chunks that I had to pry out like I was playing a game of Operation.

(No worries...I still drowned each and every crumb of the chocolate chip zucchini bread in peanut butter and ate them. All of them. And had seconds.)

So clearly, we have a toaster problem.

Which is why I need you to tell me what kind of toaster I should buy?

Of course, I'd like this one, but if I had $319 sitting around, I'd be out shopping at Nordstrom instead of blogging about toasters.

I need some insight, opinions, and help. 

Soon. 

Because I will be toasting that zucchini bread again tomorrow.